Drawing a blank.

It's amazing how fleeting my mind can be sometimes. It's been a week since my last post and I know I have had a lot of things on my mind since then, but absolutely nothing is coming to mind right now. That's what happens to me when I find a lull in my day. I am so used to the hustle bustle of everyday living, that when I actually find a moment of solitude and quiet, I have no idea what to do with it. I know I shouldn't be wasting precious time on the computer, and I know I have a million things that need to get done around the house... dishes, laundry, cleaning, blah, blah, blah. Sometimes it seems never ending. I'm not complaining by any means, I am blessed to be able to work at night and be able to stay home with my children, it just seems that life as a mother has infinite demands and a mother's work is literally... never done. It can be quite overwhelming at times, and even with all of the help I receive from family and friends, I still feel like I am not doing enough. What is with this mommy guilt and why is it so hard to shake? Is it just a woman thing? I wonder if Dads feel the same way, too. As mothers, why is it so hard to understand that sometimes we need help and can not do it all? Are we our own worst enemies? The weirdest thing about this whole day is that it hasn't even been a stressful day for me at all.... most days I am SO ready to go to work at night and punch out my mommy time card for the day, but today, for the first time in a while, hasn't been overly stressful, but yet I still feel a certain way and like I should be doing more. Maybe it's just me and my over-achieving attitude, when will I just learn to relax? I think I need a relaxing vacation where all I am allowed to do is lay there in the sun... I'd probably get bored, though, lol. Ben's right, I am never satisfied. ;)

Oy.

Today I was in the mood to torture myself so I did a few things that sane mothers do not normally do. I took the kids to Best Buy, (too obvious) the park after a rainfall, (mud city) and last but not least, flu shots around nap time. The power cord broke to the precious lifesaver known as a dual screen DVD player, so silly me thought I could run in and out of the "Blue Store" as Nathan calls it. Not only did they not sell the cord, the kids ran a muck amongst the children's DVDs and wanted everything from "100 Episodes of Sponge Bob"to the latest box series of Max and Ruby. You really can not rationalize anymore with an almost 4 year old, because instead of just believing everything I say, Nathan rationalizes right back at me and tells me that he knows the DVD player is broken, but that I'm going to fix it. "That's why we're here, Mom," he tells me. Duh, Mom. Anyway, I almost made it out of there without spending a small fortune, but the damn machines with the crappy plastic toys and sugar-filled candies beckoned right outside the doors, and of course the kids wanted in on that. Even Ollie started yelling at the top of his lungs, "Money, Mom! Money!" Hey, at least I can get away with only spending 50 cents and them being happy about it, right?

On to the next tortuous activity for the day... playing at the park after it rained last night! Yay! I should have just thrown them in a mud puddle and called it a day. After an hour of running around like little drunken maniacs, I finally lured them back in the car with promises of more candy and headed back home to get changes of clothes.

After I literally wrestled them into clean clothes (they love to be naked for some reason), we met Ben for lunch. We ate our weekly pizza fill at King of Pizza.... yum! The kids were hungry after rolling around in all that dirt. I guess I'll get used to it eventually, but I really need a clean ally in our house.... at least Blue (our fish) isn't too messy.

After lunch I took the kids to the Dr. for Ollie's 2 year check up. I can't think of anything more stressful than taking two rambunctious boys to the Dr. during nap time and having to wait a half an hour before being seen. It irritates me because I figured it would be slow at that time and it was, but yet it still took that long?! Don't they know I forgot to take my Xanax this morning and I'm feeling very edgy? Can't they hear my kids pummeling each other with those throat sticks? If I had to say, "Don't touch that" one more time I was going to lose the last marble I had held onto so far today. Ugh. Yes, they nearly tore the roof off that room while we waited. Ollie is in the 50% for both height and weight, 34.5 inches and 28 pounds. Nathan, in comparison, was 33.25 inches and 26 pounds when he was two, so not that much of a difference. Both the kids got their flu shots, but Nathan was the only one that cried. I hate shots, I can't even look when they are getting them! :( We have to go back in a month to get the booster shots, more fun awaits!

The gist of the rest of the day was.... kids refused to nap, Mommy had a slight breakdown, Ben comes home from work to the house looking like a hurricane went through it, and Ollie monster finally being defeated and falling asleep on the floor at 5:30. Guess who's waking up with the chickens tomorrow?

Oy.